Saturday, August 25, 2007


I've been doing a lot of reminiscing and reflecting lately. I hope my vast numbers of readers (all both of you) will forgive me as I relive the events leading up to the first anniversary of my mother's homegoing.

It was one year ago today that I made the agonizing drive to Little Rock in anticipation of the meeting in which my mom and dad would be given the news that we were looking at not only an esophagectomy but also metastatic bone cancer. It does not seem possible that an entire year has passed since that day.

This time last year I was camped out on the recliner in Mom's hospital room in what would prove to be our last bunking party. She coughed and struggled to breathe so much through night that I became very worried and traipsed to the nurses' station in my PJ's several times for assistance. Even though I got little or no sleep, I felt honored that she wanted me to stay. I remember pulling my chair as close to her bed as I could and holding her hand as we both tried desperately to rest.

I remember watching "America's Funniest Home Videos" and laughing just like we had not a care in the world. After Dr. Bravo delivered the tragic news earlier that day, neither of us ever spoke the word "cancer" in our conversations with each other. Perhaps we were in denial, but I'm so very thankful that I have a night of laughter to remember and not one of tears.

There were certainly enough of those to follow.


Lisa said...

I think about you and your mom all the time. It was only a couple weeks ago i went back and read what you wrote about her on your blog for her. Though I never met her I can tell she was an amazing person. Im so sorry.
I often look at Ben and think, how do you do it?? It makes me think of you too. Its so overwhelming if I stop and think about it with my mom. I hate to use the timeline with my mom, but its so hard not to. I dont use the "C" word either. I just say she's sick. Im glad you had that night were you got to laugh together.

Angie said...

I did not realize it had been a year since the beginning of the end. I remember calling you from Baptist at my mom's beginning and thinking I was in the exact location you and your mom were in. I think I told you I was even in the same chair! When your mom was sick I felt so drawn to pray for all of you and that feeling has never left. God places you and all of your family (kids, hubby, niece/nephew, btr, SIL, and dad - even on occasion your Aunt)on my heart quite often. I even go to your mom's site and check it for updates too. I visit my mom's over and over as well. I still log onto Cancer Compass and read up on those going through the same thing we went through. They provided me with so much info and support. I think reliving it brings healing. I think it is all part of telling the story. Your mom was important, loved, cherished and special in so many ways. You need to remember and to remind others. It is important! And believe it or not we are interested. I have people ask me about you still. So go ahead reminisce and include us! We loved your mom too and we are listening (and there are more than 2 of us out here!).